


What’s meant to be will always find its way.

by s0ylisboa



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28712178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s0ylisboa/pseuds/s0ylisboa
Summary: Hello everyone, I’m back!After posting my first one shot, I decided to share with all of you the first chapter of my fic, and see if you like it.I really do hope you will!Zero spoilers, hope you enjoy.❤️
Relationships: Professor | Sergio Marquina & Paula Vicuña, Raquel Murillo/Paula Vicuña, Raquel Murillo/Professor | Sergio Marquina
Comments: 40
Kudos: 81





	1. Alone and lonely.

Waking up in the middle of the night, he found his bed empty.  
He moved his hand, to feel and fill the void next to him.  
On the mattress, her shape.  
It had been a month since she last slept there, but that shape wasn’t going to fade away.  
After ten minutes, he finally realised he was in his bedroom, alone...  
He had vivid dreams every night:  
he dreamt about Raquel walking through the door and kissing his forehead, as she was used to do.

He missed her soft, tender lips on him, his hands felt empty without hers, his body was cold most of the time, since she wasn’t there to warm it up.  
One of the things Sergio missed the most about her, was her eyes opening in the morning.  
Her big black eyeballs, her long eyelashes, her ruffled eyebrows...  
the look filled with love she threw at him every day after waking up.  
Her smile as she said “Good morning cariño”, with her raspy voice.

The only good thing about her smoking, was that sexy and sweet voice she had after sleeping.  
He was even missing her morning cigarettes and their arguments about that.

It was now 4:39 am, and Sergio decided to get out of bed to clear his mind, since he couldn’t sleep anymore.  
He made himself a black coffee and went out, waiting for the sunrise.  
It was the only moment of the day, in which he let himself empty his mind and feel relieved.

He lost the count of how many times he painted his “mujer” on the beach, during sunrise and sunset.  
He was indeed an art lover, but he was also a talented artist.

Raquel loved his artworks and decided to hang them on the walls of every room in their house.  
His paintings were so detailed, they seemed to have a soul.  
Her flaws looked so beautiful, natural and special, she fell in love with them, and with herself, even more.

She was a muse for him.  
He loved painting her, singing for her, writing her poems.  
He was writing one in that exact moment, thinking about Raquel:

“I’ve got blurred memories  
of some parts  
of my life  
but your laughter  
is one of the most  
clear and recognisable things  
I am and I will ever  
be able  
to remind.  
I wake up  
in the middle of the night  
convinced that  
I can still hear it.  
And I still look  
for your eyes  
in crowds  
although I am aware that  
you’ll never be  
in the same place as me.  
But I don’t  
and will never  
find the courage to say  
how much I love you.  
Because your freedom  
and your happiness  
for me  
are the biggest  
demonstration of love  
I could ever give.”

The sun was now high in the sky, and the weather was getting hotter.  
Swimming in the ocean to cool down, he couldn’t stop thinking about the day she left.  
He could still see her silhouette walking away in front of him, in the terrifying silence around them.

«Goodbye Sergio, a part of me will always love you.» were her last words to him.  
He was so petrified, he couldn’t even answer.  
Now, he was wishing he had said something.

Something was wrong inside of him, feeling broken, empty, aching;  
as if the purpose of his life was taken away from him.

Going back inside, he realised how much he missed having to clean the mess Raquel was used to leave around the house, and the noises his family used to make in the evenings.

He sat in the kitchen, cooking some pasta for lunch, when something caught his attention.  
He got up from his chair to reach the point in which he saw a sparkle.  
There it was, under the fridge:  
the necklace he bought her for their first anniversary.  
It had a little platelet with the date of their first rendezvous carved on it,  
and the quote “estoy contigo”.  
He started crying.  
But he knew Raquel would have never left without it.  
It was her favourite, and she used to wear it every day, taking it off just to take showers.

“It must’ve fell out while she was packing”, he thought.  
But...  
What if that was a sign?

He thought so much about the necklace and every single possible scenario that could revolve around it, he forgot his lunch.  
A little cloud of black smoke reminded him of it:  
he rushed to turn off the stove.  
The pasta was burnt and he didn’t want to start cooking all over again, so he left it there.  
It was time for him to get some rest, since he had another sleepless night...

Looking at his bed, he suddenly felt hopeless again.  
He was scared of it, because, every time he laid on it, he could feel his ex’s presence right next to him.  
It was the very first time for him, in his whole life, he wasn’t feeling comfortable alone.  
And that was because Raquel changed his existence, and the truth was:  
he couldn’t live without her.

When he woke up, it was already dinner time.  
He wasn’t hungry, but couldn’t just live his life without eating, so he forced himself.

While turning on the oven, he kept asking himself the same questions...

“What if she shows up to get her necklace back?”

“What if she calls me to ask if I found it?”

“What if she let it fall on purpose and expects me to contact her?”

He used to see Paula every weekend, but Raquel never showed up with her.  
Her babysitter picked her up every Sunday to drive her home, and Sergio never called his ex to see how things were going.  
He knew that, if he had to contact her, it had to be just for things about their child.

But the heaviest question was:

“What if she didn’t notice it’s missing or, worse, what if she doesn’t care?”

A very painful headache hit him.  
He couldn’t torture himself with all those questions for the rest of his life, so he decided to do something; in order to have answers.

He took his phone and unlocked it.  
The passcode had always been Raquel’s birthday, and he wasn’t going to change it, even after all that happened.  
Scrolled through the contacts and hit her name.  
While it was ringing, he began feeling overwhelmed by all the anxiety and stress he was holding in.

— «Hello?»

The sound of her voice.  
Peaceful.  
For a moment he forgot everything else and just exhaled.  
He was so happy he could finally hear it again, he almost forgot why he called.

— «Hello?» she asked again.

— «Erm, hi Raquel, it’s me, Sergio.»

— «I know, I still have your number. Why are you calling?»

“Because I miss you. And I’ve been an idiot. And I love you so much it hurts. I want you back, Raquel. My life without you isn’t worth living.”

That’s what he really wanted to say.  
Repressing his feelings once again, he answered:

— «I’m sorry to bother you. But I just found your necklace and thought you may be looking for it.»

He heard Paula’s laughter in the background.  
Oh, that laugh...  
A lump in his throat, red eyes.  
“Hold on” he kept saying to himself.

— «Oh, my necklace...» she said, a bit of bitterness in her voice, «I was actually looking for it the other day, I thought I lost it. I’m glad you have it.»

— «Oh, I see. Well, now you know where it is. You can come over and take it, or, if you prefer, I can brin-» 

— «I’ll come.» she interrupted him.

— «Okay then, come whenever you want...»

— «I think Friday I’ll be free. I can see you in the morning and bring Paula, if it’s okay.»

— «Perfect; see you on Friday. Goodnight Raquel.»

— «Goodnight Sergio and...thank you for letting me know.»

She hung up.  
He was so sad the conversation ended so quickly, but also so happy about seeing her again.  
Before meeting, he had to come up with some sort of idea to convince her to come back.  
He only had three days left, so he immediately began doing what he knew best:  
calculating and predicting. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:00 am.  
The alarm ringing.  
They both opened their eyes and held each other for about ten minutes, before getting out of bed...  
She went to the bathroom, to have a shower, while he was in the kitchen making breakfast for them and Paula.

— «Raquel, Paula! Hurry up before the pancakes get cold.»

The softest voice of all appeared out of nowhere.

— «You made pancakes?!» Paula asked enthusiastically.

— «Yes, baby, because I know you love them.» he replied.

Paula run towards him and gave him a tight hug, whispering a very happy “thank you” in his ear.  
Meanwhile, Raquel was walking into the kitchen, seeing Sergio holding the little one in his strong arms.

— «To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you like this?» she asked.

— «Daddy made pancakes for us!»

— «What a lucky girl, uh? C’mon cariño, now sit down and eat them before they really turn ice cold.»

They all sat down and ate breakfast together, as they were used to do every morning.  
However, that morning was a little different.  
It was way too silent, and it seemed like the minutes were going by really slowly.  
Sergio noticed that immediately, and started questioning himself about that situation, but couldn’t find a single answer.  
He didn’t know what was going on, but he was about to find out...

As Paula was in her room playing with her toys, he got up to kiss Raquel’s cheek and tenderly touch her shoulders, with all the love and kindness he had inside his body; but she took a step back.  
He froze immediately.

Even when they were going through their worst fights, even at their lowest low, Raquel never stepped back and refused a kiss from her husband.

They stayed still for a few minutes, none of them having the courage to open their mouths and say something.  
When, suddenly, Raquel whispered:

— «I’m sorry. So sorry...»

The pain in her eyes was so evident, Sergio felt like a knife stabbing him hundreds of times.

— «What...» he stopped to swallow and take a deep breath, «what is going on?»

— «We tried, Sergio. Only God knows how much we tried.» she sighed between her tears... «But we’re just not meant for each other.»

— «What? How can you say that?»

— «Your eyes. The light that appeared in them when we first met - it’s gone. I know you love me, and I love you, please believe me when I say that. But this life...family life, normal life...it’s not for you. I can see how much you struggle with it.»

— «But I love you Raquel. And I would do anything to make you happy. I am changing, I know, but it’s for the best. It’s really not a big deal, I love our life and I love our daughter. I am a father no-»

— «I know you do.» she interrupted him, «But I also know you would be happier being the Sergio Marquina I met 4 years ago. And I just can’t live my life knowing you would be happier living in a completely different way...»

She stopped talking for a moment.  
It was to hard for her, having to say those things...  
Tears in his eyes, he said:

— «So...we’re breaking up?»

He felt like dying. But he also knew she was right.  
He wasn’t the kind of man who appreciates living a normal life like theirs.  
He would never give up on his daughter, that was for sure.  
But he always felt like something was missing...  
Little did he know, he wasn’t able to go back to his previous life.  
He was going to find out, he was perfect for a family life, despite what they both thought.  
The problem was, none of them knew that.

— «Yes.» she said, «I already told Paula we are going to live in another house for a while, because you have to work. I couldn’t tell her the truth...»

— «Please...please. Please don’t delete me completely from your lives. Especially Paula’s...»

— «I won’t. I promise you’ll get to see each other. You’re her dad, now, and I would never take her away from you.»

He couldn’t answer that.  
His life was falling apart.  
Everything was perfect just half an hour before.  
He didn’t want to believe that it was happening for real...

Raquel left him in the kitchen to go pack her things.  
Both of them were trying to hide the fact that their hearts were bleeding, not to make Paula worry, but it was hard.

Meanwhile, Sergio kept thinking about her words.  
How could she come up with such a conversation out of nowhere? She couldn’t.  
She must had been feeling like that for a while, before speaking up, and he started blaming himself for not noticing.

After she was done with packing, she said to her daughter to go and say goodbye to her father, and that she was going to see him that weekend.  
Paula hugged him and kissed him, and Sergio held her so tight he almost thought he hurt her.  
Then, Raquel whisper in his ear:

— «Goodbye Sergio, a part of me will always love you.»

He watched them leave and didn’t move a muscle.  
“What kind of bastard lets his family walk away like that?” he thought.  
But it was already too late: they were gone.


	2. I miss you in ways that not even words can understand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I’m back!  
> Thank you for the support, I’m having fun writing this story and, seeing you enjoy it, warms my heart.  
> As I promised, here’s the second chapter, hope you like it.🤍

Waiting for Friday, days were longer than usual.  
Well, at least that’s what Sergio thought...  
He cleaned and tidied the house a million times, as if it was necessary.  
He was so anxious he couldn’t help it, and it was the only thing keeping him busy.  
He waited, and waited, and waited...that day never seemed to come.

On Wednesday, he took his car and drove his way to the town nearby, to buy anything he needed to ask his ex and his daughter if they wanted to have lunch with him.  
Everything and more...  
He bought so much food, he could’ve eaten a whole month with it; he wanted to make sure he had anything they could ask for.

Thursday night finally came, and he was sitting on his bed with a bottle of white wine next to him, pen and paper in his hands.  
He was writing another poem:

“Looking up to the sky  
I watch the raindrops  
getting closer  
to my face.  
They hit me and cross me  
washing away all  
of my mistakes.  
Suddenly,  
I can smell your perfume;  
it transports me  
out of this city,  
out of this country,  
out of this world  
where our love is still alive.  
I can feel our bodies touch  
your hair covering  
my eyes and my lips  
and your kisses  
all over me.  
In my mind  
and in my heart  
you’re not gone  
and you’ll never be.  
No puedo ignorar  
estas ganas que tengo  
de tenerte a mi lado.  
Take all of this pain  
and set it on fire:  
I’m waiting for you.”

He fell asleep right after finishing writing, the bottle still opened on his bedside table and the glass still half full, thinking about secretly putting the poem into Raquel’s purse.

He had just opened his eyes, the next morning, when he received a text from Raquel.

“Good morning Sergio. I’m sorry to tell you that I can’t make it this morning...” said the message preview.

He was already breaking into a cold sweat.  
Too scared to open the text, he decided to lay on the beach for a few minutes, before answering.  
The beach had become his safe place, where he could relax and think without any distractions...  
Cold water brushing his feet, playing with the watch on his arm, he could feel the hot sand underneath his shoulders, warming up his back and calming his nerves.  
Just like the first time he asked Raquel out on a date, he was terrified of the idea of her blowing him off.  
But, after he took his time to process that eventuality, he took his phone and opened her text. It said:

“What if we come this noon?” 

He read it a couple times, cursing himself for being such an idiot, thinking, again, that she wasn’t going to show up.  
Then, all the anxiety left his body, and he replied:

“Good morning. Of course, I’ll be waiting for you.”

And that’s what he did...

...

Receiving his text, she felt relieved.

— «Paula, cariño, would you like to go visit dad today?»  
— «What?! Really? I would love to!» she screamed in excitement. «Are you coming with me this time? You promised!»  
— «Of course I will, baby. Also...I was thinking that, maybe, we could spend the night at daddy’s place. It’s a long ride and I’m afraid I will be too tired to drive back.»  
— «Really mom? Yes, please, yes!»  
— «Fine. We’ll ask dad once we get there, ok?»

Paula nodded and ran upstairs to pack a fee things for the night.  
Raquel did the same, quickly, and then waited for her daughter outside, knowing she was about to drive for two hours, and knowing even better that she hated to do that.  
Also, that morning, she wasn’t feeling very well, that’s why she had to choose between not going or spending the night there.  
She lied to herself, saying she only wanted her necklace back really bad, because the main reason of her stir was that she wanted to see Sergio.  
She did not want to admit it, but she was missing him very much...

As soon as they left, Paula fell asleep.  
Raquel turned on the radio to have some company...

“I remember we were driving  
driving in your car  
speed so fast it felt like I was drunk  
city lights lay out before us  
and your arm felt nice  
wrapped ‘round my shoulder  
and I had a feeling that I belonged  
I had a feeling I could be someone...”

Listening to that song, she thought:  
“It’s going to be a long ride...”

Once they got there, Paula got out of the car as soon as she could, and knocked at the door.  
Meanwhile, Raquel was taking out of the trunk her daughter’s bag, leaving hers inside for a moment.  
She still wasn’t sure about asking him if they could stay, but other than the fact that now she had no choice but to hope it didn’t bother him, she really desired to spend some time with him.  
Everything in her mind felt both wrong and right at the same time, she didn’t know what to do anymore...  
Maybe it was really time for them to talk.

When Sergio opened the door, his daughter jumped on him, laughing and smiling so much, she already gave life to the house.  
He kissed her and put her down, and, as soon as he raised his head, he saw her.  
He almost forgot how beautiful she was.  
A big smile appeared on his face, without him even noticing.  
He looked so cute, Raquel was about to lose control and put her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately and crying trying to tell him that her life was a nightmare, since she left.  
She shook her head.

Big dark circles under her eyes, she obviously wasn’t getting enough sleep.  
He immediately noticed something was wrong, and started wondering what was keeping her awake at night, without asking; since he knew very well that she didn’t like to talk about herself, especially after they broke up.  
He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, and it wasn’t because of the tired look she had on her face, but because she was looking stunning anyway.

— «Hi Sergio.» she smiled.  
— «Hi Raquel. How are you?» he asked, hoping she would at least drop a hint about what was bothering her...  
She looked worried.  
— «Ehm...fine, thanks. What about you?»  
— «Everything’s fine, thank you.» he wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew he had no rights to do it. He faked a smile, instead... «Let me help you with that bag. What’s inside of it?»  
— «I have another on-»  
— «My clothes!» Paula screamed from the other side of the house, interrupting her mother.  
— «Oh, so she’s going to sleep here with me tonight?»  
— «Well...I was thinking maybe...we?» she asked, afraid of his response.  
— «Sorry?»  
— «I’m too tired to drive back home...so I thought, if it doesn’t bother you, that maybe I could sleep here, too.»  
— «Well, then you should definitely sleep here. I’m glad I’ll have some company.» he was waiting for her to ask that, without even knowing.

Her heart was beating fast, she could feel her chest moving.  
She couldn’t tell if he was doing that just to be polite or if he really enjoyed her company, but she was glad either way.

As they were heading to the kitchen, Paula asked them if she could go into her room and play with her xbox for a while.  
They agreed and let her go play...

— «Do you want some coffee?» he asked.  
— «No, thanks. My stomach is bothering me lately...» must be the reason of the dark circles under her eyes, he thought.  
— «Fine. If you need anything you know where to find it...»

While he was making some coffee for himself, she laid on the sofa, trying to get rid of the nervousness she was feeling that day.  
Her shoulders were stiff and she hoped she could get some rest before dinner.  
He sat on the chair in front of the couch, waiting for her to tell him he could sit next to her.  
That didn’t happen though, because she was so tired, sleepy and nauseous she didn’t even notice him.  
After waiting for a while, he decided it was time for him to give her the necklace back.  
He got up and handled it to her.

— «Here it is.» he said, cracking a grin.  
— «Oh, thank you, I almost forgot.»

As she got up to put it in her wallet, Sergio couldn’t help but stare at her.  
When she turned back, she saw him and asked:

— «Is there anything wrong?»

Back on Earth, he replied:

— «Nothing. Why are you asking?»  
— «Because I saw you were staring at me.»

He blushed and felt embarrassed.

— «It’s just that...it’s been over a month since I last saw you and...you seem to get more beautiful every day.»

Now she was blushing, too.

— «...thank you, Sergio. But you don’t need to compliment me in order to sweeten me.»  
— «Oh. Than wasn’t my intention.» he said while sitting next to her, «It was just the truth. Sorry if it seemed exaggerated...»

She couldn’t help but get lost in his eyes.  
There it was. The light.  
She saw the damn light again.  
Was it because their break was actually a good thing for him, or because she was right there looking at him?  
She tried to push away those thoughts and lied down again.  
Her ankles over his knees, his hands over her tights.  
She fell asleep just like that, in the beautiful silence of her house.  
Yes, her house, because it was the only place where she felt safe, with him.

When she woke up, Sergio wasn’t there.  
He was in the kitchen with their daughter, baking a cake.  
It had to be a surprise for Raquel, so they were trying to be quiet, not to wake her up.  
When she entered the room, they both got scared. And then worried, worried that she could find out what they were up to.  
They tried to cover the mess behind them, while Raquel was pretending not to see anything.

— «What are you doing here?» she asked, faking curiosity.  
— «Nothing. Just talking about what we should eat tonight. Did you sleep well?» he knew she already found out about their little surprise, but decided to let his little girl dream a little bit more.  
— «Yes, thank you.»  
— «I’m glad to hear that.» he was genuinely worried for her, and, despite the fact that they hadn’t seen each other for a while, she could tell he was. She still knew how to read into his mind...and so did he.  
Trying to change the topic, she asked:

— «Can I take a shower?» she both needed one and wanted to leave her ex and their child alone, so that they could go back to what they were doing.  
— «You don’t have to ask. Go ahead.»

They both smiled as she walked out of the room, with Sergio getting lost in his own thoughts, again.  
He couldn’t help it, he had the instinct to leave Paula alone in the kitchen for a few minutes, to reach Raquel in the bathroom and look at her taking her clothes off, and then join her in the shower, as they kissed and hugged and...

— «Dad? Dad!» his daughter’s voice woke him up from his daydream.  
— «Yes, my love. I’m sorry, I was just thinking about how much time the cake will need to be cooked.»

The hot water was running down her cold, tired, lonely body.  
As her make up was fading away, leaving a thick black line right under her lower lashes, she started to miss Sergio’s presence next to her.  
Her forehead against the wall, her arms caressing her own hips, eyes closed.  
She was getting warmer, inside and out.  
Her mind was lighted and her heart was beating regularly for the first time in weeks.  
As she opened her eyes, she realised that she did belong there...but maybe it was already too late.

The cake, meanwhile, was ready and looked amazing.  
Two big sunflowers, made of chocolate, on top of it, and the words:  
“To the best momma ever.”  
When Raquel got out of the shower, Paula was waiting for her outside the bathroom, with her gift in her hands.  
And, when the woman opened the door and saw it, she cried.  
Her biggest fear had always been that, somehow, after moving out, Paula could end up hating her for that.  
Luckily, she was a very smart child, and supported everything that her parents did.  
Suddenly, she said:

— «Thank you, mommy, for letting me stay here tonight. I’m happy we’ll spend the night together, as we used to do before we moved.»

Raquel froze. She tried to think of something to say, but couldn’t. So Sergio showed up and intervened:

— «My love, you know you can always come over if you want to. I know I’ve been working a lot lately, causing your relocation, but I promise things are getting better. And, if you want, you can come more often. Vale?»

The way he always knew how to save her butt was beyond description.  
He always knew what to say in the right moment.  
She held her tears and glanced at him with a thankful look.  
Oh, how much she had missed him...

— «Vale, daddy.»  
— «Then, are you ready for dinner?» he asked, comforted.  
— «Of course we are, right Paula?» the little girl nodded.  
— «Follow me.»

He leaded them to the dining room, where the most beautiful set table they had ever seen, was waiting for them.  
The candles were lightening up the room, while the flowers and the rose petals were giving life to the board.  
The candles’ light was brightening up Raquel’s face, making her look like a painting, a masterpiece everyone admired, but that only Sergio had the pleasure to touch.

— «You didn’t need to do all of this.» she said, amused.  
— «Well, since it’s a honour for me to have two beautiful damsels in my house, yes, I had to.»

They giggled.  
He opened a bottle of champagne, but soon he reminded himself about Raquel’s stomach, and he went to the kitchen to grab some water.  
Pouring the champagne into his glass, he raised it and said:

— «Thank you for being here with me, tonight. I hope you will enjoy the dinner.»

They sat down and started eating, slowly, appreciating every single dish Sergio brought them.  
Apparently, he was a good chef too.  
Too bad that Raquel never let him cook when they lived together, she didn’t know what she was missing, up till that moment.

Just when she thought the dinner was over, he came back with tiramisù in his hands.

— «Oh no, no way! I can’t eat that too, please, I am going to explode!» she said whilst Paula was looking at her, laughing.  
— «Just one bite, Raquel, please. You have to try it...»

He took a spoon of the dessert and fed it to Raquel.  
It was so good, she felt her soul leaving her body.  
It was the most similar thing to an orgasm that she had ever experienced in her whole life.  
She leaned her hand on his...

— «I am speechless. Everything was perfect.» she was now squeezing his hand.

He felt his skin burning in desire.  
He was finally feeling alive again, and something inside of him didn’t want to let it go.  
He thought about the two of them back in Madrid, and about the poem he wrote the night before:  
“No quiero ignorar estas ganas que tengo de sentirme vivo, porque nunca he tenido tantas.”

After washing the dishes, he suggested a movie night.  
Paula was so tired, she didn’t even try and argue on that, letting them choose whichever movie they wanted.  
She knew she was going to fall asleep half through it.  
Even though Raquel was pretty tired, too, she decided to pick one and watch it until the end.  
She was feeling comfortable, and she didn’t want to waste that vibe by going to sleep that early.

Once she was done picking, they all sat down with popcorns and soft drinks in their hands, but it didn’t last long:  
after about fifteen minutes, Sergio had to get up to bring his daughter into her room, because she was already napping.  
He came back to Raquel with a blanket between his hands, and covered her.  
At night, the temperature used to lower, due to the strong winds and to the recurring rainstorms, and he wanted her to feel as warm as possible.  
She firmly looked into his eyes and waited for him to lay down, while trying to clear some space.

As soon as he touched the sofa, he felt his body soften.  
She reached out for his hand and held it tight, again.  
Butterflies in her stomach every time they touched, his fingers on her skin were like a forest being set on fire.  
He started playing with her thumb and stopped watching the film, so that he could admire her.  
She couldn’t help but get closer and hug him, without thinking of any consequences, without saying a word.  
In that moment it was the right thing to do, and they were both feeling happy.  
There’s nothing wrong in doing what makes you pleased, they were thinking, and if there was , they couldn’t care less.  
End credits on the screen, he sat down and said:

— «I think you should go to sleep. You can’t stop yawning...» his voice was extremely kind and loving.  
She looked exhausted.  
— «I think I will. Are you going to watch something else?»  
— «I don’t think so. Maybe I’ll read a book...» he pointed out one of the books on his shelf. «You can use the bedroom, I’ll sleep on the couch.» he concluded.  
— «You don’t have to. I can sleep here; it’s your house, Sergio.»  
— «No way this is going to happen. You are the guest, you deserve the bed!»

Guest...  
That word was echoing in her mind, and it sounded terribly wrong. That was her house, too.

— «Why don’t we just both sleep in the bedroom?» she asked.  
In that moment, she was either regretting that question and hoping he would say yes.  
— «We don’t have to. I’ll sleep on the sofa. Now, no more buts, just put on a pyjama and go to sleep.»

That answer didn’t satisfy her, at all.  
But she thought that, maybe, it was the right thing to do, so she smiled and decided not to discuss about that.  
Once she was under the blankets, she fell asleep pretty rapidly, as the sound of the waves was soothing her.  
Sergio couldn’t seem to sleep a wink, instead.  
The thought of him breathing in her scent, earlier that night, was keeping him awake.  
When, suddenly, he thought:  
“Fuck it, I’ve got nothing to lose.”

He stood up and went to lie down next to Raquel in their bed.  
While he was placing his head on the pillow, she opened her eyes.  
He gave her the most tender smooch on one shoulder.  
The rational part of her brain was yelling to stop him, but her heart had been waiting for that moment for too long.  
Feeling goosebumps all over her body, as he started stroking her hair, she immediately turned around and rested her head on his chest.  
The world could’ve collapsed in that moment, that they weren’t able to notice it.  
For them, that was the definition of happiness.  
And, while he fell asleep almost instantly, feeling her torso touching his, she decided to stay up a little more, to listen to his heart beating.

The next morning, they woke up in the exact same position they were when they fell asleep.  
Her long, blond hair, were the perfect frame for the breathtaking work of art that her face was.  
He was tempted to caress them, but she looked so beautiful he didn’t want to move a thing.

He woke her up, giving her a kiss on her cheek.  
Everything was flawless in that moment, but his attention was caught by something else:  
there was something missing in their room that morning, and it was way too unusual to pass unnoticed.


	3. Heavy thoughts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Thank you for the amazing support, I love you all.🤍  
> Hoping you’ll like it, here is the third chapter.  
> Enjoy the read!

He looked around, desperately trying to find it.  
Raquel couldn’t forget to bring it with her before going to bed, she never did.  
He kept looking, but not moving, because he didn’t want to wake her up.  
When, suddenly, his research got interrupted by her voice:

— «Good morning...» she said, wanting to add ‘my love’ at the end of the sentence.  
— «Good morning, sleeping beauty.» he said, now looking into her eyes.  
— «You fell asleep pretty quickly last night, didn’t you?»  
— «Yes, I was pretty tired...»  
— «Tired, uh?» she murmured.  
— «What about you? Did you get enough sleep?»  
— «Of course. I’m actually feeling better today.» she was clearly lying.

He could tell she did sleep, but her expression was screaming she wasn’t feeling better at all.  
He raised his body, now sitting on their bed with his back against the wall, a worried look on his face.  
She observed him, trying to figure out what was going on.  
Blank stare, watching the ceiling as if it was about to fall on top of them.  
Raquel started wondering if he was actually regretting the previous night’s decision to sleep with her.  
After all, she wasn’t sure about what he was feeling; she was the only person who was able to read his mind, but in that moment she swore to herself she had no idea about what he was dwelling on.  
Out of the blue, she felt chills running through her spine, and got up saying:

— «I’m gonna take a shower.» while, in her mind, she said “I’m gonna take a shower, wanna join?”  
— «Ok, I’m gonna go wake Paula up, and then I’ll make some breakfast. Any preference?»  
— «Whatever you choose will be fine. Thank you.»

She closed the bathroom’s door and, leaning against it, she wanted to scream out loud how frustrated she was feeling.  
She couldn’t believe he was keeping distance from her, not after having slept together.  
If it was for her, now they’d be lying on the seashore, making love and tasting each other’s skins, rolling left and right on the sand, laughing and falling in love with him all over again after every single touch.  
Letting the sun kiss their silhouettes, forgetting about everything else, going back to those times when they were still trying to get to know each other’s bodies.  
Birds singing love songs just for them, the wind cooling down their spirits and making all the beautiful and colourful flowers around them, dance like they never did before.

But there she was, alone, daydreaming, and feeling once again insecure about her choices.  
Stepping into the shower, she felt the still cold water wetting the soles of her feet, giving her a jolt.  
The house was weirdly silent, and she didn’t like that, at all.

...

There he was, standing in front of his daughter’s bed.  
He took a step back and thought he couldn’t wake her up with such a look on his face, so he went to the nearest bathroom and washed his eyes with freezing water, hoping that would help him clear his mind.  
He looked at himself in the mirror and asked himself:

“How did we get here? Always feeling like something’s wrong? Always doubting?”

Still looking at himself, he saw the water drops running down his cheeks, his red eyes and his lips bleeding.  
He was so lost in frustration, he unconsciously bit his lips so hard, they started bleeding.  
Removing the blood from his chin with his finger, and then licking it, he felt miserable.  
Instead of being happy about their ‘reunion’, if they could call it so, and the time he got to spend with his child, he was worrying about something uncertain and, probably, stupid.

He washed his face again, trying to get rid of all the red spots under his mouth, and walked out.  
Looking at his feet while he took steps forward, barefoot on the dark brown parquet of his house, he felt a fire growing inside.  
He massaged his own neck and chest, squinting his eyes and deeply breathing in and out.  
He felt the need of something that he not only never even looked at, but that he had always despised: he desperately needed a cigarette.

He didn’t know where that desire was coming from, but it was really strong and, as far as he tried to suppress it, he couldn’t.  
The pressure, in that moment, was too heavy.  
He didn’t want Raquel to know he wanted to smoke, so he decided to avoid asking her a cigarillo, since he was pretty sure she wasn’t going to notice, being so used to the smell of tobacco and paper burnt.  
Looking into her purse was beyond dispute, so he tried to think about a way to find what he needed, without letting anyone know.  
Suddenly, he remembered Raquel always left a brand new pack of Marlboro inside of their wardrobe, just in case she run out of cigarettes.

He reached the bedroom, in the most silent way he could, and opened the drawer: there they were.  
He opened the pack, picking one and taking it out, still holding the box with his other hand.  
There were lighters almost everywhere: Raquel used to leave them around to always have one within easy reach, so he grabbed the first one he found and went outside.  
Lightening the cigar up, he felt a sort of relaxation falling over his head.  
As he was having the first puff, he looked at the white paper right under his nose, burning.  
That red circle consuming the tobacco was somehow oddly satisfying; he was now beginning to understand why Raquel enjoyed it so much.

Breaking into a loud, intense cough, he almost felt like he was about to die suffocated by the cloud of smoke inside his lungs.  
No matter how much that hurt, he wanted more.  
The smoke coming out of his mouth was somehow artistic, although the filter kept gluing to his lower lip, right where he bled from, just a few minutes before.  
He was amused, he run back inside to take his camera, to eternalise that moment.  
It felt...weird. But in a good way...

He was enjoying the peace all around and inside of him, when a voice behind him broke it into a million pieces.

— «What the hell are you doing?»

He turned around to see his ex half naked in front of him.

— «I’m...I’m smoking.» he said, holding the cigarette in one hand and the camera in the other.  
— «Yes, I can see that, have you lost your mind?»  
— «Well, I-»  
— «Are you doing this just to take some pictures? Because I’m starting to revaluate your intelligence.» she interrupted.  
— «Of course not. I’m not stupid.»  
— «Said the man who never touched a cigarette in his whole life, holding one as he looks at me. Why are you doing that, then?»  
— «Really funny. I just felt the need. I don’t know why, buy I did, so I took one of your cigarettes and lighted it up.»  
— «And “you’re not stupid”, uh?»  
— «Raquel, I was feeling a little anxious, and I thought this could’ve helped. I’m a grown up man and...»  
—«You can decide. I know that.»

An awkward silence was now embracing them.  
But Raquel broke it off instantly.

— «Listen, Sergio...if you’re feeling stressed about what happened yesterday, you don’t have to. I understand, maybe we could’ve avoided that...we just followed our instincts and...»

He shut her up by kissing her.  
He let the cigarro and the camera fall and the sand, and cupped her face between his hands, moving his thumbs to caress her jawline.  
She kissed him back and took a step forward, she wanted to feel him the closer she could.  
As it started raining, they were clearly getting wet, but they didn’t care and didn’t move anyway.  
It was the most romantic kiss of their lives.  
He picked the camera up and took a picture of them in that moment, at the mercy of wind and rain, but extremely happy and comfortable.  
They stopped kissing just for a second, to breathe in some fresh air, and then returned to their lovely smooch.

A thunder, suddenly, made them jump on the spot for a second.  
They looked at each other and bursted out laughing, loudly, as if they were two teenagers living in a love movie.  
They were feeling exactly like that...  
They sat down and watched the horizon as the rainstorm was getting stronger and louder.

— «You know...» he said «I don’t think you should drive today...the weather isn’t on your side.»  
— «Oh, the weather, you say...is it the only thing preventing me from driving back home?» she gave him one of the funny looks that only she could do.  
— «Of course not. You know, Paula asked me if...»  
— «Sergio!» she screamed, in a very humorous and tender way.  
— «Fine, fine! I want you to stay. Just one more night, okay?»  
— «You know I have a mother to take care of, don’t you?»  
— «Por supuesto. But I think that one more night won’t hurt anyone...»  
— «God, I hate you when you look at me with those doe eyes!» she placed her hand between his neck and his head. «You’re irresistible.»

He knew way too well he was.  
Otherwise he wouldn’t have learned all of those weird, but cute, facial expressions.  
He knew how to play his cards right.

— «This time, you win. But don’t think I’ll forget about you and the cigarettes...we’ll address the problem later.»

It wasn’t the time to resist her anymore, so he got on top of her; the sun behind the clouds creating a dark shadow, completely covering her; and little drops of water falling from his completely wet hair, right on top of her face.  
Laying down, their lips barely touching, their noses against one another, his hand holding his glasses, preventing them from falling into her eyes.  
She turned him away and quickly took them off for him, just to, then, grab his hips and bring them closer to hers.  
He placed his forehead on her cheek, eyelashes rubbing on her jawline and upper lip.  
Once he closed his eyelids, she kissed them.  
He smiled tenderly and raised his head, then a little tear fell right on her temple.  
She gently moved her index and approached his under eyes, caressing him.

— «Why are you crying?»  
— «There has been a moment when...» he laid next to her and let the tears flow, «when I thought we were not going to taste each other’s lips anymore.»

She turned on her right side and kissed every single one of his tears.

— «Life without you is empty, Raquel. I know your speech made completely sense, but it did back then. Living alone I realised I simply wasn’t the same man you met in Madrid. I am a whole different person, because of you. And you are the best part of me. I already lost you twice, I’m not going to give up this time...»

She stared at him, no reply.

— «Raquel, I missed you in a way words cannot describe.»

All she could say in that moment was:

— «I missed you too, Sergio.»

They laid there for a while, observing the clouds moving above them.  
As she started playing with his beard, she said:

— «The decision I made, you see...»  
— «You don’t have to explain anything.» he interrupted, «I don’t want to talk about it. The only thing that matters, is that you’re with me, here, now. The rest isn’t relevant.»

She fit her face in the gap between his head and shoulder and exhaled heavily, as if something inside of her was starting to to getting fixed.  
That was his superpower: breaking down her walls and knowing how to embrace her.  
He was both her strength and her flaw, but she loved him.  
More than she ever loved anyone in her whole life, except for Paula.  
“Ni en siete reencarnaciones entenderías la naturaleza de nuestro amor.”  
He had his arm wrapped around her, when they heard their daughter getting closer, as she was singing one of her favourite songs:

“Wise men say  
only fools rush in,  
but I can't help   
falling in love with you...  
Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin  
if I can't help   
falling in love with you?  
Like a river flows  
surely to the sea;  
darling, so it goes  
some things are meant to be...”

They turned their heads, watching her walking towards them.  
She took her nightgown off and, without even saying good morning to her parents, she ran ahead, reaching the sea and jumping in it as she started laughing, then inviting them to join her.  
Her laughter could brighten the whole world.  
It was so pure and sincere, it warmed their hearts; as someone once said:  
“It is the simplest things in life that hold the most wonder; the color of the sea, the sand between your toes, the laughter of a child.”

Her hands slapping the surface of the water, the splashes hitting her eyes as she was squinting them, with the biggest smile.  
They couldn’t help but get up and run, without even thinking about taking their clothes off.  
Not that it really mattered, since they were already wet...  
Adrenaline running through their veins, they felt like they were 10 years old again.  
As they dived, the silence underwater took control of their brains; they let themselves float on top for some time, listening to the sound of the waves hitting the sand.  
Is there a bigger joy, in the world, than to have your loved ones around?  
Is there a bigger joy, in the world, than to have a beautiful daughter making you forget all your problems?  
No, there isn’t.  
Their barriers were crawling into the ocean in that moment, leaving nothing but a little space between them, a space they were already ready to fill.

As their stomachs started growling, they picked up the little one and got out of the water to have some breakfast.  
Walking back inside, they took their clothes and put them in the washing machine, then changed outfit.  
They all blow dried their hair together, using just one hairdryer, spending most of the time playing and laughing, instead of getting ready.  
Sergio felt a warm feeling inside of him, whispering “hoy es un día muy especial”, so they took the car and drove to one of the most beautiful places of the isle, the place where he and Raquel met after the second heist.

Tables were usually placed on the beach, except for today, as the rainstorm forced the owners of the venue to bring them inside.  
The view was outstanding anyway; it took their breaths away every time.  
They sat down without taking their eyes off of the horizon, as they ordered coffees and croissants.  
As Sergio was talking with Paula, complaining about the weather, Raquel stared at her coffee for a while.  
A while enough to get lost into the darkness of the cup, in which she could see her reflection.

Everything blacked out around her, and she felt like she was the only person on the Planet, feeling a sense of emptiness inside and out.  
As she kept looking at her distorted image, almost as if she was outside of her own body and could observe her moves, and thoughts too, she realised she didn’t know the person she was looking at.  
Something inside of her was changing, and she was afraid of it.  
She couldn’t tell if it was something good or something bad, the only thing she knew was that she wasn’t ready for a change.  
Not another one, not in that moment.

Her life had always been like that:  
whenever things were starting to be better, whenever she found herself, whenever she achieved something...  
there was something waiting for her right round the corner, ready to tear apart every single one of her progress.  
It was like having to start all over again, for the millionth time; and she was way too tired of that loop.

Thinking about her life, looking back on what she went through, she lost the count of how many times she told herself “it’s time to be happy, you deserve it”, just to fall into that dark cycle the following minute.  
She felt like drowning into her coffee, running out of breath, hands on her waist colder than ever, mouth open.  
A single teardrop streaming down her cheek, just like a lonely old man who walks on the beach on a Sunday morning, staring at the sea not to think about all the things life took away from him.  
Suddenly, a warm feeling on her hip, taking her back to life.  
She lifted her eyes and saw Sergio, and his big brown pupils eyeing her.  
His moustache was a little too long, some of it ending inside his mouth, forcing him to put it away with his tongue.  
She was now gazing at his tongue moving, licking his lips, leaving them glossy and shiny.

— «Is everything okay?» he asked, knowing perfectly that it wasn’t.

Her eyelids blinking slowly, her heart, which just began to beat regularly, stirring; she reached out her hand and barely touched his beard.  
It was like a bucket of ice cold water hitting her, she was finally feeling her whole self again; as if touching him gave her the consciousness back, regaining control of her movements.  
She got closer and pressed her lips on his, still wet from the sip of juice he just took, tasting exactly like oranges and sugar.  
She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on his nose.  
She was back. She was there. She wasn’t fading away.

As soon as Paula got back from the bathroom, they quickly finished eating and drinking and got back into the car.  
But, instead of going home right away, Sergio decided to take them on a car trip, so that, hopefully, Raquel could forget about her previous crisis.  
As time passed, Sergio began to recognise her crisis and to learn about them.  
The only thing he still didn’t know about them, was if there was a remedy.  
He tried his best each time, to bring her back on Earth, but he wasn’t sure it was the right way to do it.  
What Raquel never told him, was that of course there was a remedy; but explaining him wasn’t necessary, since he was the cure.  
Taking the scenic route, he placed his palm on her thigh and recited one of his poems.

“Every time that   
the tears  
stream down your face,  
you’ll find my hand  
ready to wipe them off.  
Every time that   
you’ll feel lost,  
turn around   
you’ll find me there;  
looking into my eyes   
will be enough   
to find yourself again.  
Every time that   
you’ll feel suffocating,  
reach your arm   
you’ll find mine  
helping you start  
to breathe again.  
Every time that   
your heart   
will be broken,  
raise your gaze  
I will be there,  
bandages between   
my fingers,  
to wrap it up   
and take care of it.  
And don’t be afraid,  
I’ll always be next to you   
even when you won’t see me.  
Close your eyes   
and think about me.  
I am here  
and you’ll never see me  
walk away.”

She looked at his mouth moving, listening carefully to his words, and holding his hand with all the strength she had; while Paula was amused by the beautiful verses her father was sharing with them.  
Sergio often wrote for her, and read his writings to her every night before going to bed.  
She loved it, it made her feel special and loved, guaranteeing her a peaceful night.  
That’s why he used to call her every evening, before bed time, to read or sing for her.  
Useless to say, she waited all day for that moment, every day.

Looking outside the window, Raquel felt small.  
Seeing those powerful trees, the colourful mountains, the unstoppable rivers running down the sides making their way to the sea...  
The sun, the sky, the world...she felt like the tiniest thing ever.  
She forgot about all of her concerns for a hour or two, and that felt like one of the most beautiful days of her life.  
But she was afraid it wasn’t going to last...

Getting back home, they decided to lay on their beds for some time, as if going out worn them out enough to need some rest.  
Paula took a book from his father’s shelf and decided to read and relax, instead of sleeping, while Raquel and Sergio wanted to lean their backs on the mattress.

Raquel fell asleep almost immediately.  
Sergio was glancing at her from every perspective; the temptation of brushing her was strong, but she was sleeping so peacefully...it was quite a shame to bother her.  
Her deep breath, her features, her shutter lids, blinking.  
In that moment, he swore he never felt a more sincere and profound love, and that he wasn’t going to feel such an emotion with nobody else.  
He didn’t know if luckily or not, but that was the truth.  
It didn’t matter how many people he could’ve met, how many women he could’ve kissed, how many lovers he could’ve lapped; he would’ve always thought about her.  
Her skin was unique and no matter how may others he could’ve caressed, he could’ve told the difference.  
You never forget the love of your life:  
lovers, moments, sighs, touches...aren’t enough.  
You will always look for him or her, everywhere, in everyone.  
And he knew that...

They were facing each other when she woke up.  
Getting lost in their glances.

— «You know, you still haven’t explained why I found you smoking this morning. Do you plan on telling me or...?» they both laughed.  
— «Raquel, I told you, I don’t know! I just felt the urge to do it...what’s the big deal?»  
— «Well, you always despised cigarettes and I can’t count how many arguments we had over this.»  
— «I know, I know. But, while you were gone, I decided to follow my instincts more often. It means that, right now, I would like to, and I will, do two things: kiss you and smoke another cigarillo.»  
— «What?! Are you-» he interrupted her with a passionate kiss.  
— «Yes, I am serious.» he kissed her again.  
— «You’re such a little bastard...» she said, laughing.  
— «Speaking of cigarettes, can I borrow one of yours? This morning I left the pack on the shoreline and it got all wet.»

She looked at him, kind of terrified, kind of petrified.

— «What? Look, Raquel, I know you don’t want me to smoke, but, just like I never stopped you, you shouldn’t stop me.»  
— «That’s not the point...» she said, almost whispering.  
— «Then...?»  
— «I don’t have any cigarettes with me.»

He looked at her, pretty shocked, then asked:

— «Is it because you forgot to buy them, thinking about the supply here at home, or because you quit? I bet it’s the first one, even if I’m tempted by the other, since this morning I saw no packet on your bedside table...» he smiled.  
— «It’s because I’m pregnant, Sergio. I didn’t know how to tell you...»

The silence fell on the room, as Sergio felt like passing out; while Raquel was cursing herself for being such a fool, hiding her pregnancy from him.

Unfortunately, things aren’t always as easy as they seem...


	4. What happened to us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll never stop thanking you for the support, when I first posted it I thought no one was going to read it!  
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart;  
> hope you’ll enjoy this one as well.  
> 🤍

They stood there for a few minutes.  
Without talking, without moving, without touching.  
Sergio was staring at the wall, mouth opened, torn between not knowing what to say and not wanting to overreact.  
Tears in her eyes, Raquel was looking at him, hoping he would give her a sign, whichever one.  
She felt her soul slowly fading away; the more they stayed there in silence, the more her heart bled.  
In that moment, if it wasn’t for the baby growing inside of her, she would’ve smoked a whole pack of cigarettes.  
That day more than ever, she wanted to feel the smoke pervading her lungs, and to feel it coming out of her nose.

Her hand was trembling, as she tried to reach Sergio’s shoulder, while he was running out of breath.  
She barely touched him, and he moved.  
He clearly didn’t want any physical contact. To be honest, he only wished she would leave the room to give him some time to process.  
But he knew that it wasn’t going to happen, so he decided to make the first move...

— «You’re...you’re pregnant?» he said, still in disbelief.  
— «Yes...» she couldn’t look at him.  
— «How long have you known this since?»  
— «More or less...a month.»  
— «You knew about it before you left, didn’t you?»

They were both sitting on the bed, now.  
Raquel placing her back on the wall, Sergio putting his feet down to feel the cold floor underneath them.  
He was staring at the ocean, billions of thoughts going through his mind, shortness of breath.

— «I did.»

He lowered his head, in complete discouragement, while she was playing with her thumbs, trying to hold back the tears.

— «Why didn’t you tell me before? I almost had to find out on my own. Why Raquel?» he asked, lump in his throat and eyes burning.  
— «Because it’s the reason why I left.»

He immediately turned around to look at her, in complete shock.

— «What do you mean it’s the reason why you left? Have you lost your mind?»  
— «No, Sergio.» she took a deep breath, then went on, «What I told you that morning, was true. The light in your eyes...it was already gone. I didn’t want to make things even worse by telling you I was pregnant...»  
— «Raquel, what the hell are you talking about?»  
— «I took the test that morning. When I saw it was positive...I couldn’t do that to you. You deserve to be happy, Sergio, and I knew that, a baby, wasn’t going to...»  
— «You knew? How cocky are you?» he interrupted, «You think you know me well enough, so you hide from me the fact that I’m going to be a father, just because you assume that it’s not what I want from life? Do you even listen to the bullshit coming out of your mouth?»

Silence. Again.

— «I was going to find out someday, somehow. Have you thought about this?»

No answer.

— «And Paula? What were you going to tell her? You wanted to lie to her, again? At what cost, Raquel? At what cost?»

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.  
It was like her voice was taken away from her.  
She lowered her gaze and placed a hand on her tummy, still not visibly grown, and started caressing it, as if it relaxed her.  
As he bit his lower lip, it started bleeding again.  
That, though, didn’t stop him from keeping biting it, creating a very big and deep cut.  
He was desperately trying to feel something, to feel some pain, so that he could feel alive and distract himself from that situation.

“Me...a dad...” he kept thinking, as Raquel was forcing herself non to move and not to get closer to touch him.  
He already was a dad, he had Paula, and he loved her more than anything in the entire world.  
But, somehow, that felt different.  
And it wasn’t because of the biological stuff, oh, he couldn’t care less.  
Paula was his daughter, and there was no DNA test capable of making him doubt that.  
He simply wasn’t ready.  
He wasn’t expecting that.  
He started thinking that, maybe, Raquel was right...maybe it was too much for him...maybe...  
“Oh, bullshit!”  
The last time he thought she was right, he ended up alone, missing his family and regretting his decision not to oppose to her choice.  
He wasn’t ready, that was true, but who is?  
Who is ready to hear the words “I am pregnant” coming out of their wives’ mouths?  
Nobody’s ever a hundred percent ready to have a baby, not even the most prepared couples.

He started wondering how Raquel must’ve felt, during the previous month, hiding her pregnancy and not having her husband by her side, giving her emotional support...  
He shook his head and thought “she wanted it”.  
But no matter how much he was deeply convinced of the fact that she chose that, he couldn’t stop feeling sorry for her.  
He tried to hide the compassion and said:

— «So, you’re just gonna stay there, not saying a word?»

She really didn’t know what to say.  
She was both overwhelmed and petrified.  
She spent a whole month wanting to tell him, wanting to share with him every detail...but she was also so afraid.  
She was still trying to figure out how she felt about her pregnancy.  
Being married and living with her ex husband, back in Madrid, she always thought one child was enough.  
Her life was so messed up, she didn’t want another human being to struggle the way she did.  
But now...she was unsure.  
A part of her kept thinking about her speech, about the things she told him when she broke up with him; while the other part was thinking about the baby she was carrying inside.  
She didn’t know if she wanted to keep it, but whenever she thought about Sergio holding a newborn, she felt a strong feeling inside of her stomach.  
As if it was the only thing she had been waiting for, without even knowing.  
As if she always dreamed about that...

Since the very first time they met, since they made love on his couch, since she moved to Palawan after the first heist, she always felt like he could’ve been the greatest dad she ever met.  
And, when he became it, she still felt like something was missing.  
Deep inside of her, she wanted to see him start from the beginning, from the very first day of life of an infant.  
It’s not like their love or family wasn’t enough, everything was just outstanding, but having a baby together, starting all over again, giving Paula a little brother or sister...felt even more complete.  
Even if she never found the courage to ask him, even if she was too afraid of receiving a no for an answer.  
But was that really the answer she would’ve received?

...

He almost never thought about himself holding a newborn between his arms.  
The only few times it happened, he always thought that, if they were going to make that decision, he would’ve had to plan it.  
Everything about it.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Raquel taking a pregnancy test in the bathroom, and then coming out with tears in her eyes saying “it’s positive!”.  
Him holding her tight, being the happiest he had ever been, rubbing his nose on her cheeks; kneeling down to kiss her belly.  
He never thought things could’ve gone differently.  
He never thought she could hide such a thing from him.

He, once again, felt like dying at the thought of her, alone, in her knew house, thinking about what to do.  
If only that morning she walked into the kitchen saying she was expecting...

— «Whether I decided to keep the baby or not, I thought it would’ve been too much for you to handle.»  
— «Here we are again, with you telling me what I should feel or should’ve felt. It doesn’t work this way, Raquel, joder!»

She wanted to debate, but she felt it wasn’t the right moment.

— «In a relationship you need trust, which you just threw in the garbage. And you need communication. We had them! What the hell happened to us? To you?» he said, a little bit of anger in his voice.

Oh, how much she was wishing she could make things work out just by holding him.  
Now, more than ever, she needed him by her side; but she knew she couldn’t blame him, she should’ve told him earlier, she should’ve opened up about her issues and doubts, now it was too late.

— «So, you decided to keep it?»  
— «I don’t know Sergio. It’s a hard decision to make...»  
— «You had a shoulder to cry on, right here. But you decided to face it all alone, instead.»

She lowered her gaze, again.

— «I am not Alberto.»

She immediately turned her head to give him an incredulous glance, she couldn’t believe he really said that.  
Her mind went back to that night, when she opened up with Sergio, about one of the things Alberto made her go through...

...

It was around 11 pm, Mariví and Paula were already in their rooms sleeping, as Sergio, corkscrew in his hand, was managing to open a bottle of wine.  
The cork broke before he could take it out, and Raquel started laughing.

— «You know...» a sad look now falling over her face, «The day I told Alberto I was pregnant, he was opening a bottle of red wine.»

He put the alcohol down and turned his head to pay more attention to what she was saying.

— «In the exact moment I told him, he first took the corkscrew violently out of the bottle, breaking the tap. Then, after he asked me if I was being serious, as I told him I couldn’t be more, he let the wine slip from his hands.» she took a deep breath.  
— «And then...what happened?» he asked.  
— «He told me I was a slut. That we had been together for so long and I never got pregnant, so it couldn’t be his.»  
— «What the...»  
— «Then, I saw him getting closer. I thought he wanted to talk, or scream, or even argue, but he didn’t. He moved his hand and hit me. That has been the first time...»

Her eyes were completely lost, as she started shaking.  
He got closer and sat on the sofa next to her, being careful not to touch her, afraid of her reaction.  
Without taking her eyes off of the floor, she leaned her palm on his thigh, letting him know it was okay to interact.  
He got even closer and wrapped his around her, letting her place her head on his chest.  
He kissed her temple and whispered:

— «It’s okay, you are safe now.»

Feeling the warmness of his body, her nerves started soothing.  
She was safe. She really was.

...

— «I can’t believe you really just said that.»  
— «It’s the truth, Raquel. I would never run away, I would never react in such a bad way. All I’ve shown you, these years, is respect and love. I can’t believe you thought I wasn’t able to handle it.»  
— «And I can’t believe you’ve just used on of my intimacies against me. One of the most hurtful memories of my life. You’re an asshole.»  
— «Raquel, I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry-»  
— «I need some time alone. I’m going out for a walk on the beach...»

...

The waves were gently brushing her feet, the raindrops were violently hitting her epidermis, and the wind was guiding her hair in a stunning choreography.  
Her mind was stuck on those two nights, on the way Alberto didn’t show the slightest tact, while, all Sergio did, was be lovely and caring.  
She knew there wasn’t a single damn thing they had in common, but there were still a few moments in her life, when she couldn’t control her own fears, and they took control over her brain.  
That was exactly what happened the morning she took the test...

She had clear memories about it, about how she felt.  
She was sitting on the toilet, looking at the blue and white stick between her fingers.  
Cold sweat covering her body, legs shaking, developing some sort of weird twitch.  
She closed her eyes and started doing a countdown of the last minute of wait...

“60...  
59...  
58...  
57...  
...  
34...  
33...  
...  
11...  
10...  
9...  
...  
1...  
Here we go...”

When she opened her eyes, she saw two red lines.  
She brought one of her hands to her face and exhaled heavily, as she knew it was going to change their lives forever, whichever decision she was going to make...

The first picture that came to her mind after trying to breathe regularly, was Alberto’s palm getting closer and closer to her.  
Then herself, on the couch, hands on her face, crying.  
Thinking about those moments, while Sergio’s words “I’m not Alberto” were echoing in her ear, she started feeling a grief in her chest.  
She sat down on the wet sand and let the nature around her, wrap her up.

...

He was still sitting there, right where Raquel left him, watching outside, hoping to see her walking back inside.  
No matter how much angry he was, he knew he overstepped the line.  
It was a low blow from him, to mention her ex husband’s name, referring to one of the deepest and most personal things she ever told him about.  
Of course he wasn’t Alberto.  
Everything Sergio ever did for Raquel, screamed that he wasn’t.  
He was the kind of man who loves to caress his wife with a flower between his fingers, who wakes her up in the morning by picking her up in his strong arms and taking her outside, breakfast in front of the ocean waiting for them.  
The kind of man who kisses her scars and paints around them, to remind her that she’s a masterpiece.

He often took his brushes and colours to paint on Raquel’s body.  
She was his favourite canvas.  
One time, he began painting on an almost invisible scar on her abdomen, drawing a beautiful tree trunk on it.  
Then he transformed that log into a beautiful cherry tree, full of branches, leaves and colourful cherry blossoms.  
She was a living work of art.

He wasn’t Alberto, but was there any need to specify that?  
He took his glasses of and placed them on his bedside table, and started rubbing the tips of his fingers on his eyes, tears wetting both his hands and face.  
He laid down and closed his lids, placed his palms on his chest and let the thoughts inside of his mind flow.  
A song playing in his head...

“Pido perdón   
por las lágrimas   
que hablan de mi.  
Pido perdón   
por tus noches a solas;  
pido perdón   
por sufrir   
en silencio por ti.  
Te pido perdón   
a sabiendas que  
no los concedas,  
te pido perdón   
de la única forma que sé...  
Devuélveme la vida,  
devuélveme la vida...  
Recoge la ilusión   
que un día me arrancó   
tu corazón;  
y ahora   
devuélveme la vida...”

He turned on his right side and looked at how empty that mattress was, once again.  
He closed his eyes again.  
She was just a few meters away from him, laying on the beach, but he felt deeply alone in that moment.  
His mind was arguing with his heart, the first one thinking about his broken trust, the other telling him he couldn’t let her go.  
He heard steps, getting closer, and opened his ojos.  
Raquel was standing in front of the bed, wet both from the rain and the tears, completely covered in sand.  
Messy hair framing her face, she was trying to hold everything inside.

She started sobbing, hanging her head, looking at her feet.  
She couldn’t handle all the pain, not without letting it out.  
He jumped out of bed and instinctively cupped her jawline between his hands, raising her head so that she could look into his eyes.  
Hers were the reddest ever, burning, as she struggled keeping them open.  
Seeing her like that, he felt his heart skip a beat.  
No matter how angry or hurt he felt, the most painful thing in the world, for him, was to see her hurting, and he couldn’t ignore it; they had plenty of time to discuss.  
He put all his feelings aside and gave her all the space and time she needed; all the space and time her pain needed in order to get out.

He placed his lips on her forehead, eyelids shut, hearing nothing but her sobs, feeling nothing but her body trembling.  
The sand in his mouth tasted like defeat...  
He did the only thing he promised not to do:  
hurt her, in any kind of way.  
He felt miserable.

As he felt her nerves calming down, he moved his head, which was resting on top of hers, and gently printed a kiss on her nose.

— «Oh, Raquel...» he said, bringing her close again, perceptible pain in his words, «I’m so sorry...»  
— «Please, don’t...I just need to stay here, like this for a while, without saying a word...»

Eyes pressed on his chest, he, as an answer to her wish, started playing with her hair, with his fingers, and wrapped an arm around her waistline.  
Holding each other, they felt like everything was falling apart, and the only way to stay in one piece, was hugging tight.  
They stayed still until Sergio, now completely covered in sand too, beckoned Raquel to sit down.

— «I’m covered in wet sand, if I sit on the bed I’ll dirty it.»

Without even answering, he took her and nicely picked her up, just to admire her beauty, despite the previous ugly cry, and lean her in their soft cot.

— «Does my face look like the face of someone who cares?» he asked.

She laughed. Finally.  
Hearing and seeing her laugh was a relief for him.  
He felt like the blood in his veins started flowing again.  
Her expression was still characterised by a very painful look, but, at least, now she was smiling.  
Seeing that grin on her face, he thanked God.  
He kneeled down and waited for her to say something.

— «I’m sorry for what just happened...» she said.  
— «Raquel, you don’t ever have to apologise for expressing your feelings. Plus, I’m the one who should apologise here. Mine was an unapologetic shot.»  
— «I didn’t get it at first, but then I understood what you meant. And you’re not wrong.»  
— «I don’t care. I could’ve said it in, at least, a hundred different ways. I just shouldn’t have mentioned that...please, accept my apology.»  
— «Of course I do...» she moved towards him, she wanted to feel his presence, to feel his warmth on her skin.

Foreheads against one another, he said:

— «As much as it hurts me or makes me angry, it all takes a back seat for a moment. I want you to know that you should take your time to make a decision, and that I’ll respect it, whichever it will be. I don’t to put any pressure on you, we can always talk about the rest later...your choices and health are the most important things right now.»

She couldn’t believe that, after all she had done, he was still putting her first.  
Instead of arguing, yelling at her, stand up for himself, he was wiping himself out for her.  
She didn’t know how to answer to all of that love and kindness, so she decided to speak the same language he had been trying to teach her the past four years:

— «You know, I wrote my first poem this morning...»

“All the things that life  
took away from me,  
everything that I lost  
throughout the years;  
all of the pain that   
mangled me,  
all of the scars that  
I hold in my heart.  
All the moments when   
I couldn’t see  
the light,  
all the moments when   
I felt like dying.  
All the beatings,  
all the falls,  
all the wounds,  
now they all  
make sense.  
Since you came   
into my life   
I stopped   
asking myself   
why.  
If all I went through   
brought me   
to you,  
I’d be willing to   
relive it  
a thousand times again.  
If you are  
my happy ending,  
it won’t have been  
for nothing:  
with you  
now  
my life  
finally makes sense.”

He felt like a teacher looking at his favourite student.  
He couldn’t believe she wrote that, he couldn’t believe it was for him.  
They were finally speaking the same language.  
Out of nowhere, as if she recited the poem in order to sweeten him, she said:

— «I have a gynaecological examination next week. I’ll have to tell the gynaecologist if I want to keep the baby.»  
— «Is Mariví coming with you?»  
— «No, she doesn’t know about this...no one does.»  
— «I see. Then, if you want, I can come. But, first, we have to address the problem, and you have to make a choice. Whenever you’re ready.»

She nodded.  
He was still feeling mad and lied to, but something inside of him, told him to be near her.

While she didn’t know what she wanted, Sergio had clear ideas.  
He wanted to tell her how he felt, about the baby, about the lie, about everything, but he wasn’t strong enough to rub salt in the wound.  
He knew perfectly well that she was at fault, but what was he supposed to do?  
He could’ve got angrier, he could’ve screamed, he could’ve told her to walk out and never come back.  
He could’ve done a lot of things, but, instead, he decided to comfort her and wait for the right moment to address the issue.  
Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much right you are, you just give priority to the happiness and pain of your loved ones...  
Fair or not, we all follow our instincts, and, his, was to always take care of her and protect her, even from herself, at all costs.  
They could argue, make up, break up again, divorce, but not before being sure Raquel and the baby were healthy.

— «But, if I decide to keep the baby, are you willing to be there for them?»  
— «Of course.»  
— «And what about us? Are we gonna raise our child together, as couple?»

Absolute quiet.  
For Raquel, that could definitely be a no...


	5. Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone🌸  
> I’m a bit nervous about this chapter, so I hope you’ll enjoy it!  
> Feedbacks are always appreciated💘

Growing up in a hospital room, spending all his time reading and listening to his father’s stories, Sergio always tried to picture how his life would’ve been in the future thousands of times.  
He loved to imagine himself at the beach, or in a beautiful hut on top of a mountain.  
He dreamt about becoming a teacher, then a librarian and, at some point, he even dreamt of becoming a chef.  
Every day, he told his best friend, slash roommate, he was going to fight to realise his dreams.  
And he carefully listened to him and all of his stories and tales about what he was going to do after being discharged.  
He had been deprived of his freedom, but not of his ability to dream, and he held onto it.

As he grew up, his dreams kept changing and changing, going from wanting to be a doctor, to try and help and save as many lives as he could, lives just like his; to simply wanting to travel the world and experience millions of things.  
When he wanted to fantasise about his adulthood, he usually took one of his pillows, put in on the floor, next to the window, and kneeled on it.  
Looking outside, at the sky, the clouds, the people walking by; he felt like he wasn’t there, like if he could fly away, to live the life of his dreams.  
He opened it and let the wind brush his face, bringing inside of the chamber different scents, trying to guess where they came from.  
Sun-rays hitting his closed eyelids, making him feeling alive.  
The cold air getting inside his lungs made him feel “imparable”.

He didn’t know much about life outside of the hospital, or, at least, not as much as his contemporaries did, so he did his best to imagine how it was.  
He didn’t know about how much fun they had going to the playground, or how much annoyed and amused they felt at school, how fun it was to invite friends over and spend time with them playing.  
What made him a special child, wasn’t his intelligence, which of course stood out, but his willingness to hope, his ability of not letting the sadness win.  
Despite all the things he was missing, he was always smiling.  
He often asked his father to bring him postcards, newspapers and books, so that he could learn more about all of the things that were waiting for him...  
Even the nurses looked at him with admiration.

But, when his father died, it all changed.  
He started having less and less hope about everything he had always dreamed of, and that had been a severe blow for him.  
The world inside of his head started collapsing, and he thought he didn’t know anything anymore.  
It’s funny, isn’t it?  
To think that a cultured, brilliant, wise man like Sergio, at some point of his life, thought he didn’t know anything...

As he grew older, now without his father, he started getting more anxious and being afraid of many things, fundamental things you embrace when you live a normal existence; like meeting new people, going out, have friends and fun, but mostly love.  
It’s pretty hard to live that kind of life, being afraid of every single step you take, being unsure about all of your decisions and feelings...always feeling like something’s wrong; but, somehow, he managed to survive.  
No matter how much he had loved his father and wanted to make his dream come true, no matter how many years he was going to spend on refining his plan: he was hurt.  
All the stories he told him, were nothing but his life, in the shape of tales.  
He was both telling him lies and the truth at the same time.  
Sergio, somehow, felt like he didn’t know his father, not for who he really was; so he was too afraid of any form of affection:  
if his papa, the man who was supposed to protect him and take care of him, broke his heart that way, he didn’t want to know what a stranger was capable of doing.

The first and only exception was Raquel, and now, he felt exactly the way he did when he was a little boy:  
broken into a million pieces and emptied.  
In actual fact, when Raquel joined him in Palawan, it already was a challenge for him.  
To let himself fall in love, to experience new affection...to wait for her for a year, not knowing if she was going to show up.  
He exposed his vulnerable side for the first time after all of those years, and he was scared.  
But the toughest thing for him, was to embrace Paula.  
Even if he desired to become a dad, even if he met his soulmate and had her by his side, he was still struggling thinking about parenthood.  
The only fear that never left him alone, was to become like his father.  
And no matter how much time had passed, no matter how beautiful their relationship was now, no matter how good of a father he was; he was still terrified by the idea of making the same mistakes he had to carry on his back his whole life.

He already was pretty similar to his dad, he thought, because he robbed a bank.  
Well, not just a bank, but la Casa de la Moneda.  
He was a full-fledged criminal, even if, anyone who knew him, knew he was the furthest thing from a criminal in the whole planet.  
He was afraid of teaching her the wrong things, of having to lie to her about what he did before they met, about being a bad influence.  
And now that he was about to start all over again, he couldn’t stop thinking about all the errors he could make and all the ways in which he could, unintentionally, ruin his or her life.  
It was a big burden he had to carry, and, since he felt like his relationship with Raquel was messed up, he had no one to talk about it with.  
He was alone.

...

As Raquel didn’t hear an answer from him, she stopped talking and asking.  
She knew she hurt him, but, maybe, she had underestimated how much...  
She knew that, despite the fact that he had only showed her his strong side, he had a weak and emotional one, and, one thing she didn’t underestimate, was exactly that, but, somehow, that day, she almost forgot it existed.  
Seeing him taking care of her and putting aside his feelings, made her think that, perhaps, they had a chance of fixing things between them.  
There was, in fact, but not in the way she was hoping...

— «I think...I think I should go home. My mom will be waiting for us...»  
— «But you said you were going to spend the night here.»  
— «I know...but after all that’s happened today, I think it’s better for me to go back home. Paula can stay, if you want.»  
— «Mira, Raquel...I know it’s hard for you, but it is also for me as well. And we can’t solve our problems just by ignoring them. We have to address them.»  
— «I know, but...»  
— «No ifs and buts. You stay and we talk. I’m tired of the both of us acting as if we were eight years old. Alright? I won’t bite, I promise.»  
— «Alright...»

He kissed her head softly and stood up, looking outside.

— «Looks like it stopped raining.» he took his phone out of the pocket and checked it, then continued «The weather forecasts say it’s not going to start again until this evening. What if we have lunch outside? It’s already half past two, and it’s better to talk with bellies full.»  
— «I’m in. But first, we should change the sheets.»  
— «You’re right. Let’s do it quickly.»

She took the clean ones out of the drawer and placed them on the dresser.  
As they took the dirty sheets off of the bed, she took one of them and placed it on her shoulders, as if it was her cloak, laughing.

— «I look like a superheroine!» she said.

He started laughing, too.

— «Looks like we love acting like eight years old.» he smiled, then he turned around and whispered, «You ARE a superheroine.» thinking she wouldn’t hear.

She took the other sheet and placed it on his back, whispering in his ear:

— «I can be a superheroine, but only if you’ll be my superhero.»

He turned around, again, and they said simultaneously:

— «Como Superman y Clark Kent.»

They stared at each one lips.  
He, then, took the bedclothes off of him and wrapped her in them.  
For a moment, it felt like nothing happened and they were still the happy couple they used to be before the break up and the pregnancy.  
And it felt good. More than they could’ve imagined.

...

She was scared. Scared of everything.  
Of her pregnancy, of the thought of becoming mom again, of Sergio, of their relationship...  
She couldn’t stop thinking about her relationship with Alberto, later on, while they were setting the table.  
Sergio knew almost everything about her life and experiences, good and bad ones, but there were still a few things she hadn’t talked about to him.  
It’s not that she didn’t want him to know or that she didn’t trust him, but to tell certain things you have to be ready, and there has to be the right moment.  
One of them, was about her spontaneous abortions...

A year after Paula’s birth, she got pregnant again.  
Telling Alberto about her new pregnancy was hard for her, considering how he reacted to the first one, but she had no choice.  
He was surprisingly happy that time.  
He told her he couldn’t believe they were going to give Paula a little brother or a little sister, and she felt relieved.  
The thought of him putting his hands on her, again, while she was pregnant, was a big concern. Luckily, everything was right as rain.   
Alberto looked like a person she didn’t know, buying her flowers, cooking for her, kissing her belly good morning and goodnight every day.   
For a moment, she really thought he could’ve changed, and she was happy.  
But no matter how happy they were that time, she lost the baby in the second trimester of gestation.

Needless to say, after that moment, she felt lost and empty.  
She felt useless, as if she wasn’t even able to protect the baby growing inside of her.  
They had already bought a bed, a changing table, clothes...everything was ready, but the little one wasn’t there.  
Getting out of the hospital, knowing they weren’t going to meet their child, and going home, seeing the room completely settled for their arrival, torn her heart.

Despite the hurt and despite the fact that she didn’t want to try again, a few months later, Alberto forced her into it.  
He wanted a baby, and he was going to get one, no matter what.  
And, even though Raquel was pretty sick of watching her own life go by from the sidelines, she couldn’t do otherwise.  
So they kept trying and trying, Raquel crying herself to sleep every night, until, one day, the test said “positive”.  
No matter what she went through, she was kind of happy anyway.

She had always loved kids and had always dreamed of having a lot, to brighten up her life and to give them all the love she had.  
She was born to be a mom.  
Not the - I stay home and don’t apply for jobs so that I can clean the house and take care of my children - kind of mom, she was something else.  
She could reconcile her passion - her work, and her family.  
She was, for real, a superheroine...

But that time, things didn’t go as planned, again.  
At that point, Alberto had already lost control.  
He had already beaten her so many times, she was starting to get used to it.  
One day it was because she didn’t do the laundry, the next one because dinner wasn’t tasty enough, and the other one because she put some make up on or because she was wearing a skirt.  
Being hit everyday, they reached a point when her body couldn’t carry on.  
That time, not even the pregnancy stopped him from being the asshole he was.  
She had another miscarriage.  
She was now living in a nightmare, and the thought of becoming a mother again, left her mind definitively.

...

“Sergio isn’t Alberto.”  
“Sergio isn’t Alberto.”  
“Sergio isn’t Alberto.”

She kept repeating it to herself.  
Something inside of her, still told her it wasn’t the right thing to have a baby, and she tried to push it away.  
She still felt hurt, scared and worried.

“What if my body can’t handle another pregnancy?”  
“What if Sergio doesn’t want any of this and only says yes to make me happy?”  
“What if the baby will be born with some kind of disability, due to my previous miscarriages?”

She feared everything, and felt like she couldn’t speak up about it.  
Little did she know, Sergio was waiting for her to make the first move, so that they could both unburden their thoughts.  
As they were cooking lunch, Sergio put on a CD with some of his favourite songs in it.  
It started playing...

“I am a dreamer  
but when I wake  
you can’t break my spirit -  
it’s my dreams you take.  
And as you move on  
remember me,  
remember us and  
all we used to be.  
I’ve seen you cry,  
I’ve seen you smile;  
I’d be the father of your child,  
I’d spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears  
and you know mine;  
we’ve had our doubts  
but now we’re fine,  
and I love you,  
I swear that’s true;  
I cannot live without you.”

He sung in a low voice, lump in his throat, as the lyrics were stabbing his heart over and over again.  
She approached him and placed her head on his shoulder, as if she could feel all his pain, as if she knew what he was thinking of and could absorb it.  
He rubbed the tips of his fingers on her arm, resting on her side; hand on her tummy, again, wanting to protect the baby from all the hurt.  
He looked down and leaned his hand over hers, like it was a sign of truce.  
Inside of him, a war.

“This pain I feel inside  
is cutting deeper  
and deeper  
each passing hour.  
Your words keep  
echoing in my head  
hitting the sides,  
bouncing,  
harming.  
Your touch  
on my skin  
feels like cold ice  
on a wound;  
it deceives me,  
makes me think  
the pain is gone;  
but as soon as  
I get used to the coldness  
it pains even more.  
With you  
or without you  
it now makes  
no difference  
in either case  
my fate  
is to keep suffering  
for you.”

That’s what he wanted to say...  
But every time he found enough courage to speak up, he looked into her eyes and felt like he couldn’t stand seeing tears coming out of them, not another time.  
So he started living in that loop, hoping one of them would’ve broken it at some point, sooner or later.  
But was it better to suffer without her, or with her by his side?  
He couldn’t answer.

— «I...I still haven’t asked. How’s the pregnancy going? Have you got morning sickness?»  
— «Yes, I do. I actually might have thrown up in your bathroom this morning...»  
— «What a way to start the day, uh?»  
— «Well, I’m kind of getting used to it...» she said, «Oye, Sergio, I know I should’ve made up my mind by now, but I really don’t know what to do. And I am really sorry for everything I have done...I know an apology won’t fix our relationship, but I owe you one.»  
— «I appreciate that. And I want you to know that the decision is only yours, so you don’t have to worry about me. I’m with you, either way.»

She buried her face in his chest and breathed deeply.  
He moved his hand, crossed her fingers with his, and went back to the belly.  
It was kind of weird, he had never touched a pregnant woman’s stomach, and he didn’t know what he was supposed to feel.  
Somehow, he felt like he could connect with the bean inside of it, and felt a sense of serenity imbuing his body.  
He started thinking that, maybe, even if it wasn’t planned, it really was a good thing.  
Oh, who was he kidding?  
Of course it was a good thing, he just didn’t know how to face it.  
But now, both caressing her lower abdomen, he felt like there was no such thing as calculation with this kind of things.  
The only way to deal with it, is to put your heart and soul into it, and let it overwhelm you.  
He was only hoping that, the sooner possible, she would’ve thought the same.

They stood like that until Paula walked in and woke them up.

— «Is lunch ready?» she asked.  
— «Almost.» Raquel said, as she walked towards her to give her a kiss, «Let’s go wash our hand meanwhile.»

She took Paula by the hand and went to the bathroom.

— «Have you and dad made up?» Paula asked.

Raquel was pretty confused, she told Paula they moved because of Sergio’s work and she had never mentioned neither the break up or a possible divorce.  
It took her a minute to answer.

— «Made up? Why cariño?»  
— «Because you and dad fought.»  
— «What? Why would you say that?»  
— «Mom, we live in separated houses. I know we moved because you fought. So, have you made up, now?»

She stared at her daughter in disbelief.  
What was she supposed to say? That she and her dad broke up? That now things were even worse? That there was a chance they weren’t going to get back together, ever?  
She panicked for a moment.  
But then she took control of the situation and said:

— «Ay mi amor, we can’t hide anything from you, can we? Listen, yes; we fought and had a couples of arguments, you’re right. And also yes, we moved out for that. But it’s not something you should be worried about, me and dad can handle it.»  
— «But I miss living with both of you. I miss our lunches, dinners, trips...I even miss seeing you kiss!»

Raquel smiled.  
She was missing all of that, too.

— «Vale...we are trying to make things right, okay? Maybe it won’t be today, but I promise everything will work out, alright? Despite everything, we love you, and we will never stop, no matter what will happen. Trust me.»  
— «Ok...but promise we can come here more often from now on. The more you see each other, the sooner you make out!»  
— «Fine, let’s do it.» Raquel said, smiling and then hugging Paula tight.

She stood up and turned on the tap, putting soap on her and her daughter’s hands.

...

He stared at them as they went to the bathroom and couldn’t stop thinking about how their lives were going to be the following months, regardless of Raquel’s choice.  
When he touched her belly, for a moment, he felt like all of his concerns were groundless; and he was now wondering:  
if the slightest contact made him feel that way, what was he going to be feeling, holding the newborn in his arms?  
He set aside, once again, all of his fears and run towards Raquel, who was standing in front of the sink.  
She had to know, at least, that he wanted to become a father again.  
She was turning her back on him, and, as he reached her, he held her and whispered:

— «I want this baby.» he placed both of his hands on her tummy, «I don’t want to affect your decision, but you should know how I feel. And I am ready to end my fears for this. I really want this baby.»

She turned around, tears in her eyes, looking at her hands, and said:

— «Sergio, I’m bleeding.»


	6. The perfect melody.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, chapter 6 is finally here.🤍  
> Thank you all again for the support and love, I love you all from the bottom of my heart!

Without asking any questions, he ran to the bedroom and took the car keys.  
They took Paula and quickly got into the car, both panicking.  
In Raquel’s head, the picture of her previous miscarriages kept playing over and over, as every loss Sergio drove past made her jump in place.  
She had a very weird feeling, something was different, and that made her worry even more.  
Even if she hadn’t made up her mind yet, she was scared.  
If she would’ve chosen not to keep the baby, it had to be her decision, not her body’s, not again.

...

The day she lost her first baby, she woke up in the middle of the night, stomach aching, not being able to move.  
She woke Alberto up by screaming in pain, and crying as it was getting stronger.  
She couldn’t forget the moment when the doctor told her that there was nothing to do.

— «I am really sorry to tell you that you lost your baby.»

Tears started flowing and she couldn’t stop them.  
As she screamed on the inside, she barely turned her head, to look at Alberto; he was standing next to her bed, looking at the wall, not saying a word.  
She needed him close, she needed him to comfort her, to be on her side, to share with him the hurt...or, at least, to give her a sign of life.  
Instead, he stood still, not moving a muscle.  
She felt alone and, somehow, guilty, as she had to bare a double burden:  
hers and his.

The look on his face was saying it all:  
“This is all your fault and you’ll pay for what you have done.”

Not only she had to face that she lost her baby, but also the fact that she was going to be punished for something she hadn’t had control over.  
She completely hid her face in the pillow and started crying; in that moment, she realised that she wasn’t living her own life anymore, but his, and that’s when the hell began.

...

Sergio was driving, trying to hide the terror he was feeling.  
He wanted to look calm, like everything was under control, so that Raquel wouldn’t panic even more, but it was hard.  
He had told her that he wanted to become a father again just a few minutes earlier, and he was so excited to finally let her know about what was going on inside his brain...  
He couldn’t believe that, now, they could’ve been losing it.  
Just the thought of it, made him shed a tear.  
Luckily, Raquel was so dizzy, she didn’t notice.

He had only been knowing about the pregnancy since the same morning, yet he felt so attached that he couldn’t help but have a mental breakdown, inside, in silence.  
And, even though he didn’t know about Raquel’s previous miscarriages, the thing that worried him the most, was how she was feeling and how she could’ve felt if that happened.  
Other than being quick, bringing her to the hospital and hoping for the best, he didn’t know what to do; he felt useless.  
He could only be there for her, and he felt like it wasn’t enough.

He stared at the road in front of him as if it had no end, and kept driving almost feeling like he was out of his own body, the same feeling Raquel had that morning.  
Tachycardia. Tremor. Short of breath.  
He kept repeating to himself:

“Not now, not here. Stay strong.”

And he did until they reached the hospital.

As soon as they got in, they hospitalised her to do some diagnostic testing.  
Sergio was in the waiting room, as he called the babysitter to let her know that there was an emergency, and that they needed her to take care of Paula for, at least, the rest of the day.  
He desperately wanted to be by Raquel’s side, but as long as Paula was there, he couldn’t, and he felt guilty.  
He felt guilty for not being with her, he felt guilty for all the pressure he put on her that day, he felt guilty because he thought that their fight could’ve been harmful to the baby.  
He sat there and waited, worst case scenario in his head, trembling as Paula kept asking questions about her mom.  
He didn’t know what to tell her.  
But he couldn’t keep ignoring her...

— «Dad! Please! What’s happening? Is mom okay?»  
— «Yes, cariño, she is. It’s just that...» he wondered if it was the right thing to tell her the truth, but then he reminded himself that he wasn’t sure about what was going to happen, so he decided that a little lie wasn’t going to kill her, «She felt a little dizzy, so we decided to come here just to be sure they’ll take care of her. But everything’s okay, trust me.»  
— «But I want to see her...»

He felt his heart shrink.  
He wrapped her in a hug and stroked her hair, telling her:

— «I know baby, but hospitals work this way. Sonia is on her way to pick you up, so you don’t have to stay here, sitting on an uncomfortable chair, in this empty room with me. Okay?»  
— «Promise it’s nothing serious.»  
— «I promise.» he swallowed.

“I promise”...  
Another lie, another similarity to his father.  
He was the one feeling dizzy, not Raquel.  
He felt his eyes burn, his mouth was dry and the extrasystoles was getting stronger.  
For a moment, he swore he could’ve died on that blue chair, entirely made of plastic, in a waiting room without windows and a single dim light with a broken lightbulb.  
His hands were shaking so much, he had no control over them, and had to hide them before his daughter noticed.  
To anyone who asked him, he always said that the only reason he didn’t pass out that day, was Paula.  
Otherwise, he would’ve lost consciousness almost immediately, falling to the ground like a boiled potato.

He was trained to handle the pressure, but not for those moments when it involved Raquel.  
To say he was fearless was true, but only before he met her.  
In fact, all his life, he had nothing to lose.  
But, since Raquel came into his life, he had more than something to lose, there was his life at stake.  
No existence in which she wasn’t there, was worth living.

...

She was laying on her bed, in a private room with a little blue bathroom, inclusive of shower.  
The room was so silent and half-empty, she could hear her own thoughts bouncing off the walls and returning.  
She only had her purse with her in that moment, and, while she was waiting for the nurses to do her a blood test to begin, she took out of it a lapiz and a piece of paper.  
The thought of losing another baby kept hitting her temples like a jackhammer.  
She couldn’t help but think about her unborn children, and imagine how it would’ve been to hold them between her arms, to feel their heartbeats next to hers, to caress their microscopic hair.  
She felt like the words flowed from her brain, through her hand, to come out from the pencil between her fingers.  
She started writing without even noticing...

“Balloons popping.  
Loud noises.  
A child crying.  
As quickly   
as the bubble   
disappeared,  
as quickly   
as the baby’s  
laughter was gone.  
That’s how you left.  
As the sun  
slowly going down  
when I don’t watch it,  
when I don’t   
admire it.  
A flash hits me,  
I close my eyes,  
I can’t feel you near.  
I wake up,  
I don’t see you,  
you vanished   
between my hands.  
Your presence   
standing here  
healing my heart,  
fixing my soul,  
I won’t let you go.  
A mere touch,  
a soft kiss,  
I’m sending you.  
Someday   
somewhere   
somehow   
I’ll hold you close.  
Be careful   
up there   
and when my   
day comes,  
the later possible,  
be ready   
to welcome me.”

She was so lost in her own thoughts, that when the nurse came in, she jumped on place.  
As she got closer, she could feel her heart rhythm get faster and faster, at every step she took.  
Once she was next to her, she wrapped the tourniquet around her arm and pull out the needle.  
As Raquel felt the stitch piercing her skin and getting inside, she tried to look around and get distracted.  
She had feared stings and blood samples since she was a child, making scenes every time her parents brought her to the hospital.

She suddenly remembered that her father used to buy her ice cream after, as a deal:  
if she behaved herself, she could get one.  
Oh, how she was wishing she could have him by her side in that moment...  
She would’ve held his hand tight and looked into his eyes, not to observe the needle make its way into her sleeve.  
And he would’ve sang for her, as he always did.

“Somewhere   
over the rainbowskies are blue;  
and the dreams   
that you dare to dreamreally do come true.

Someday I'll wish   
upon a star  
and wake up where   
the clouds are farbehind me...Where troubles melt   
like lemon drops  
away above   
the chimney topsthat's where   
you'll find me...”

She started singing on her own, while the infirmary was looking at her in disbelief.

— «I am done here. I’ll come later to do another blood sample.»  
— «Thank you...» Raquel whispered.  
— «You have an amazing voice, by the way.» she smiled, «I’m sure the baby will love to fall asleep while you sing them a lullaby.» she concluded, walking out.

She remembered all the times when she sang for Paula, when she was very little, and a smile appeared on her face.  
Then, she thought about Sergio doing the same, first when they were living together, then on the phone, every night, tirelessly.  
She imagined him singing and reading tales to the baby she was, hopefully, still carrying, and that heartwarming picture almost made her forget the reason why she was in that room.  
She was now considering, for the first time since she found out, the chance of keeping it, and it wasn’t a bad feeling, at all.

...

Paula was sitting on Sergio’s lap, as he was braiding her hair into a beautiful plait.  
Touching her hair, the little girl almost fell asleep.  
She loved when her dad styled it, and she was relaxing so much that her eyes were barely open.

Right after Raquel and Paula moved in with him, he spent tons of hours on the computer, at night, when everyone else was sleeping and couldn’t see him.  
He watched videos, read articles, looked for pictures; he tried in every possible way to learn as much as he could to improve his knowledge about kids and how to spoil them.

There was a rainstorm, one night, and Raquel woke up right after a thunder.  
As she turned her head and didn’t see her partner, she got out of bed and looked for him.  
When she found him sitting at his desk, watching a video of an hairstylist making a braid, she couldn’t help but both laugh and sense a warm feeling around her heart.  
He heard her laughter and immediately turned off the laptop, turning around to see her standing behind his chair, looking at him with eyes of love.  
From that moment on, after putting Paula to bed, every day, the spent a couple hours together, during which Raquel tried to teach him all she knew.  
From the moment she had known him, she knew he was the one; but after seeing how much effort he was putting in everything regarding her daughter, she realised that not only he was the one for her, but also for Paula, and that she was starting to believe for the first time in “and they lived happily ever after”.

Sonia got there as soon as she could.  
As she entered the ER, she immediately saw Paula sleeping in the arms of Sergio, and breathed a sigh of relief.  
He luckily managed to get his daughter to sleep, narrating for the millionth time since they lived together, how he and her mom met.  
She always listened to that story like it was the first time, a sparkle in her eyes and heart listening.  
It was one of the few things which could always calm her down, even in the worst moments.

Sonia got closer silently and mouthed:

— «Hi, I got here as quick as I could.»  
— «Thank you, Sonia. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.» he said.

She smiled and picked the little one up, to bring her in the car without waking her up.

— «I’ll fill you in later.» Sergio said.

She nodded and left.  
He got up quickly and went to see Raquel, but as soon as he entered the room, he saw that she wasn’t there.  
A sense of panic was pervading his whole body, as he tried to rationalise.  
He got out of the room, breathing in and out through his mouth, and asked the first nurse he met about her.

— «Can you please help me? My wife was here, but I can’t find her...»

Wife. “My wife”.

— «Sure, what’s her name?»  
— «Raquel Muri-»  
— «Sergio, I’m here.»

Her voice, once again, was like the rainbow after a thunderstorm.  
She was there.   
For a moment, he thought how funny it was to be the one over-worrying, when she had to be the scared one, the one he should’ve taken care of.  
Instead, he seemed not to know what to do.  
When he heard her voiceprint, he almost forgot where he was and why he was there.  
Tears in her eyes, she smiled.  
She was happy to finally see him, she was happy he could finally be there with her.

— «Where were you? Is everything okay?» he asked, visibly worried.  
— «I was just running some tests in order to see what is going on. I think we’ll do an ultrasound in half a hour, more or less.»  
— «Fine, so we can finally see how our baby is doing.»

The sparkle in his eyes was so bright, it could lighten more than any star in the universe.  
She took his hand and went to bed again, too tired, mentally, to even stay up.  
She laid down and he sat on the mattress, right next to her, stroking her hair, drawing with the tips of his fingers on her beautiful face, kissing every part he touched.  
Then, he placed his left arm right behind her neck, on top of her shoulders, and laid by her side.

— «Please, tell me everything will be alright...» she whispered, «I can’t do this again...»

He looked at her, confused.

— «What do you mean, again?»  
— «I...I haven’t told you but...I’ve already been through this. Twice.»

He stared at her eyes, not knowing what to say, not knowing if it was ok to ask or if it was better just to stay in silence.  
Before he could even open his mouth, she said:

— «Paula could’ve had two siblings. But I lost both the babies. I’m sorry I haven’t told you...»  
— «Oh, Raquel...» he let his head fall between her hair and breathed her scent, «You don’t have to apologise. It must’ve been so hard for you...»

He meant that.  
He didn’t want an apology from her, although he wondered why it took her so long to open up with him about it.  
He felt little and powerless.  
He felt like every word was superfluous, so, instead of saying more, he just kissed her tenderly, still holding her hand, licking her sweet lips and caressing her eyelashes with his.  
That kiss was so soft and passionate, it said everything they hadn’t been expressing the past month.  
Their connection was so strong, they felt their souls vibrating.  
If it would’ve been another moment, another place, another situation; they would’ve made love instantly.  
Instead, they got interrupted by the doctor.  
He knocked on the door and then got in.

— «Good morning Mrs. Murillo. I heard you had some problems, so I’m here to do an ultrasound. And you are...?»  
— «Her husband, Sergio Marquina.»  
— «Nice to meet both, I’m doctor Piras. Are we ready to start?»

They nodded.  
Mr. Piras put on a pair of gloves and took out of the cart a blue gel.  
He took some and spread it over Raquel’s belly.  
It was so cold, Raquel felt a shiver running through her spine.  
She held Sergio’s hand even closer, she was scared to death.  
He looked at the machine in front of him and focused on the screen.  
As the doctor started moving the probe around and taking pics, both Sergio and Raquel tried to see if they could understand what was going on, unsuccessfully.

Suddenly, Mr. Piras stopped moving and stared at the screen.  
Encrypted look, mouth closed, eyes fixed on the monitor.  
They looked at each other and held their breaths.  
They both felt their hearts beat very fast, as they still didn’t hear a word from the gynaecologist; staring at him hoping he would give them a sign.  
Raquel was turning white, when he said:

— «Ok, everything’s clear.»

They kept staring at him, looking confused.

— «Mrs. Murillo, Mr. Marquina, I am happy to inform you that everything’s okay. There’s nothing wrong here.»

Sigh of relief. Heartbeats slowing down. Tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces.

— «But...what about the bleeding?»  
— «Blood loss happens in around 30% of all pregnancies. It’s nothing serious but, most importantly, nothing to worry about.»  
— «Oh, thank God...» Raquel said, «And thank you, doctor Piras. I am so relieved, I can’t even begin to explain how worried I was...»  
— «No need to thank me, I’m just doing my job. Anyway, I have something for you...»

He turned around pushed a few buttons, placed the probe on Raquel’s tummy again.

— «I just need a minute of silence.»

He started moving his hand when, all of a sudden, a sound came from the device.

— «Soon to be parents, this is your child’s heartbeat.»

It was the purest melody they had ever heard.  
The sweetest sound their brains had ever took in.  
And one of the best moments of their whole lives.  
They looked at each other, tears now flowing, as Sergio felt all the tension leave his body and bursted out laughing.  
He kissed her passionately, again, and to defuse the situation, he whispered in her ear:

— «Soy un hombre con suerte. Nunca olvides eso.»


End file.
